“I’m sorry. I can’t pee in a cup. I’m
only allowed to pee in a toilet.”
Reception desk: “What would you like?” [question
posed in reference to the sticker basket]
Response: “A ham sandwich.”
Overheard: “Daddy, I dreamed about you last night. Do you
remember?”
Receptionist answers the phone [after a long day]: “Can
you hold me, please?”
New mother, considering a trip: “Can my baby fly?”
A mother: “The Biblical cord fell off!”
Child: “Thank you for taking my blood pleasure.”
Child: “I need a damn-baid.”
Child: “Do I have chicken-pops?”
Nurse: “Please pee in the cup.”
Child: “They’re not going to make me drink it, are
they?”
Nurse: “Do you know what “urine” is?”
Child: “Oh yes, it’s 1994.”
Child, to staff: “Do you have kids?”
Staff: “No, not yet.”
Child: “Good, because kids are really hard. Just ask my
mother.”
Child [during hearing screening]: I can’t hear the beep.
But I can hear my sister at the door.”
Dr. Niloff: “Get undressed.”
Child: “What? I’m under arrest?”
Child: “I’m here for my shocks.”
Child [shivering, entering the office on a winter day]: “Mommy,
my teeth are biting me.”
Child [sick with a sore throat]: “Can you call the Fire
Department to take the fire out of my throat?”
Child [after doctor completed exam]: “Mommy, why didn’t
that man just fix me instead of talking?”
